The Primary Election 2016 season, running 24/7 on most every news network and website, has been a rollercoaster ride for the past year of airtime, but during the past month’s finale, we’ve seen great deescalation. Ratings are plunging.
Last ditch efforts to make the election included the Elephants considering a wholly undemocratic contested convention, in which the winner that goes on to play a cameo in The General Election (premiering now, everywhere), is systematically chosen by the show’s producers, shifting around votes from long gone candidates to support either runner-up and mass murderer Ted Cruz, or far-behind and gently bigoted Uncle Kasich. The team’s regret for not getting Paul Ryan, the man too good to be true, attractive and poised to win, culminated with rumors that he could still end up the next President, with or without his consent. Unfortunately for the GOP, the will of viewers seems to be too strong to overcome, with Trump’s viewers passionate enough for violence over reality TV.
After defending the rights of trans people to use the restroom that matches their gender, Trump was hit with a weak punch by Cruz over the supposed “New York values” of tolerating other people. Predictably, Trump stormed New York, and shortly afterward gained mathematical inevitability, leading Cruz to declare ex-foe Carly Fiorina as the next Vice President of the United States, just before dropping out the election.
Just like Trump, Donkey contestant Hillary Clinton swept New York, despite the fact radical whippersnapper Birdie Sanders, 74 years old, is actually from Brooklyn. Questions were called about that episode’s legitimacy, with reviewers noting that the process rules disenfranchised Sanders’ youth scouts with a 6 month voter registration waiting period. Just like all previous critiques this year, nothing came of corruption being called out, networks chose to air the live Trump feed instead, leading people to slowly stop caring.
While the season may have a sad last few episodes, there’s no longer any chance of an underdog winning the show’s sequel, The General Election (premiering now, everywhere), unless you consider a billionaire somehow an underdog. Clinton’s not holding any punches, 92% to the finishing line to Sanders’ 58%, an insurmountable lead. It’s almost brutal to watch at this point, so many “Bernie Bros” have simply stopped, no longer posting the memes we all loved. Sanders’ took Indiana last night by six delegates, his consolation prize for raising over $20 million in donations averaging $27 each.
It’s been a solid year of entertainment, full of laughter, cringe, tears, and most of all, utter terror. The CEO of CBS, one of the show’s main partners, commented, noting, “Trump is good for us economically. So what can I say? The money’s rolling in, this is fun,” Ryan would’ve made for a much less profitable election, and likely a landslide for the GOP establishment. Poor entertainment. Just remember: